Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The First "First Day"

I always say that the best part of my summer job as a camp director is bearing witness to the moment that a child falls in love with camp.  It is, truly, a magical moment. 

The other amazing part (and privilege) is watching that child grow up and bearing witness to the change he or she has upon the rest of the world. 

This is Katie.  She is the human, of course.  I'm sure I have clearer, better pictures of Katie, but this just happens to be one of my favorite pictures of her because I think it encompasses who she truly is and has always been: loving, kind, and generous.
Katie is a kid that I've known as a camper, Counselor-in-Training, Junior Counselor, Senior Counselor, and, for the last two summers, as one of the CIT Directors.  In every one of those roles, she has been the same: loving, kind, and generous.  And incredible.

And, tomorrow, she'll be a second grade teacher.  An incredible second grade teacher, I might add.

So, my Katie-did, as you begin your very first day in this new career, I want you to remember something.

You are more equipped for success than 90% of the teachers in the field.  You have lived with your classrooms for years, surrounded by a tribe of dirty-faced, question-filled, needy (and sometimes whiny) children for weeks at a time.  You've taught them to chop vegetables and cook over an open fire.  You've hiked and played and explored and prolem-solved in the 110 degree heat.  You've held the hands of countless homesick children, dried their tears, and found a place for them to belong.  You've explained the multi-step mysteries of the shower to dozens of clueless 7 year-olds.

Reading and fractions can't be much more difficult.   

Tomorrow, seventeen tiny faces will stream through your classroom door.  You will probably not feel ready, but believe me, little one, you are.  You've been ready for this since the first day I met you.

Tomorrow will fly by before you know it.  As a teacher, your life will be filled with a great number of "first days of school", but you will only have one first "first day".  Savor it.  Whether things go perfectly (they won't) or completely fall apart (they won't), it will be a day unlike any other.  And this is the beauty of teaching... every day, every moment, is a brand new chance for the best day ever.

Those 17 faces?  They will wear you out.  They may drive you crazy, even.  Remember: that's every kid's job.  So what do you do?  Love them.  Be kind to them.  Be generous with your time and attention and spirit.  I know you will because that's who you are, sweet friend.  It's who you've always been, and they are going to adore you for it.  They will be, I predict, the luckiest 2nd graders in the state of Oklahoma.

Have the best, most wondrous, first "first day" ever, Ms. Krambeer.  And then, maybe a drink and a nap.  You're gonna need it.

I love you, kiddo, and I'm so very, very proud of you.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Waiting For Inspiration

Hey, friend.

Remember me?

I didn't leave you forever.  I've just been busy.  And tired.  Really tired.

But I'm still here, waiting to be inspired.  Waiting for something to write.  But nothing amazing seemed to happen for a while, so I have just been waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.

You know that feeling, don't you?  That emptiness -- that loneliness -- that comes with waiting?  If there is a Hell, I'm sure it will not be a pit of fire; it will be a waiting room.  Or the line at the DMV.  Nevertheless, it will be a feeling of doom, underscored by the lilting insanity of elevator music and boredom.

But today, I was asked to list the interesting things I've done this summer.  (It was the first day back to school for teachers, and, inevitably, whether you are 13 or 35, this is the first assignment.  Teachers... we never change.)  I panicked as I stared across at someone who I knew had traveled and lounged and done "interesting" things for the past 2 months.  What would I say?  "I worked.  At camp.  I slept a coma-like sleep on every break."  Believe me, exhausted comas do not equal "lounging".  It took me a few minutes, but I eventually came up with a couple of answers.  I still wasn't happy, and the question nagged at me the entire drive home.  It itched my brain while I shopped for sneakers, waited on my take-out, and priced refrigerators online.

Only now, hours later, do I realize what I wish I'd said.

  • I worked at camp.  All summer.  It was exhausting and stressful.
  • I worked at camp.  All summer.  It was exhilarating and full of renewal.
  • I watched my best friend's son spend his first 2 nights at camp.  He only stopped loving his counselor, activities, and friends long enough to hug me twice.  Well... once.  I stole the second, fair and square.
  • I saw my favorite campers -- kids I've known since they were 8 --  graduate from the C.I.T. program and then come back as junior counselors. 
  • I spent 49 days working alongside my third generation of camp friends.  They are the most dedicated, supportive, and talented groups of people I've encountered in a long time.  Well... since my 2nd generation at least.
  • I watched children from all over the world -- literally, from Mexico to the Czech Republic to England to China -- fall in love with the magic of camp.
  • I laughed.  My God, I laughed.
  • I cried.  My God, I cried.
  • I busted kitchen raids.
  • I narrowly escaped the clutches of Grandaddy Raccoon during one of his late night dumpster dives.
  • I lured the camp dog out for a swim in the lake -- much to the delight of the canoeing class.
  • I sang beautiful songs, with wonderful friends, on a gentle breeze by the light of a dying campfire.
  • I sang loud and silly songs, with wonderful friends and giggling children by the roar of a fresh fire.
  • I saw children become more than a stereotype. 
  • I saw children without a home find the home they never expected.
  • I witnessed friendships forged, stronger than steel, and bridges burn with the spark of regret.
  • A circle completed itself as one of my campers from my cabin at grief camp became a counselor at the same camp, fifteen years later.  Her healing helped to heal another cabin of litle girls.
  • I waved goodbye to one friend to finish his bachelor's degree, one to finish his doctorate, and one to ready her very first classroom. 
  • I prayed that they won't be gone for long.
  • I spent far too long from another best friend's children this summer, only to be welcomed back into their home with squeals and giggles and kisses from their grown-up faces.
  • Just days ago, I saw another friend's son, one of my favorite miracles, walk to me with steps that were never guaranteed.
  • I cried about that one too.
  • And I read.  I read 14 books this summer, and I've got about 24 more on the stack.
But I didn't write because I didn't feel inspired.  Man, sometimes I'm blind.  And dumb.  And tired of waiting.

Friday, June 29, 2012

The Slightest Touch

Camp is hectic right now.  Hell.  It's been hectic for a month because that's what camp is -- hectic -- the very nature of the beast.  But I try hard to slow down a few times each day and snap a mental picture of the beauty that truly surrounds me.

Tonight there was a moment -- a sweetly perfect moment -- that summed up all the reasons I do this job, this crazy, hectic, tiresome job.  And it was a moment so innocuous and slight that it overpowered me with its sheer simplicity. 

It was one of our campers, completely blind, who stood unknowingly in the middle of the "last song circle" at the dance. It was another camper, completely unknown to her, reaching forward to place his hand on her shoulder, including her in the fold without forcing her into line.  A touch that allowed her to be connected without being swallowed up.  He held it there for the entire song, never breaking that connection.  I'm not sure anyone else noticed, but it caught me so unaware that I felt the hot tears of surprise building in the back of my eyes.

And that is what all of our campers and CIT's and staff have done this week for our Lighthouse kids -- welcoming them in without swallowing them up.  Moving the circle instead of moving the child.  Accepting that we don't all fall into line the first time but saving a spot for when you do. 

I think often about the beginning of a wave -- the tiny splash that creates the ripple that builds to the wave that washes over us all.  It begins with the slightest movement:  a raindrop, a fish flop, a breath of breeze.  Is that how all great movements begin, how all great revelations occur?  With the slightest touch? 

My Lord, I hope so.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Fact:

Fact:  There are certain moments in one's life when you must realize that you are old.  These moments are inescapable and somewhat disheartening. 

For example:

  • When you can't "understand a damn word they're sayin' in that song on the radio".
  • When your knees ache after a game of tag.
  • When you trade the 9:00 PM pool party for some "peace and quiet".
  • When you realize you need to leave the pool party because, perhaps, you nodded off on the deck of the pool and a bug flew in your mouth, causing you to choke, panic, and re-evaluate your life choices only to realize that you just fell asleep at a pool party for crying out loud, and when did that start happening?

Not that any of those things happened to me today. 

Nope.  Not. At. All.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

It Only Takes a Spark

So, in my last post, I told you about the most beautiful book riot I'd ever seen.  Well, it's the only book riot I've ever seen, and it happened to be beautiful.  Wondrously so.

I've been writing this blog for just around two years, and that post is, by far, my most popular with almost 95 pageviews in just under a week (It doesn't sound like much, but, believe me... it's huge.).  This is funny to me as each time I read over it before publishing, it just didn't feel right.  I didn't feel as though I'd perfectly captured the moment.  I'm not sure, however, that any number of words ever could.  But somehow, it struck a nerve. 

Actually, I don't think it was the post at all.  I think the Book Giveaway in itself struck a nerve.  A great nerve.  A friend of mine reposted it on Facebook (thanks, Debbie Schmidt), and someone I don't know at all decided to give away books on her next trip.  Our school's lovely theatre arts teacher and her boyfriend picked up and went to Half-Price books so that she could purchase books for students to choose as their end-of-year gift.  Other teachers, from other schools, in districts far away filed the idea for next year.  Throughout our school, teachers and principals alike have been astounded to see our Mustangs with their new books.  The kids have shown them off proudly, compared with one another, and then promptly stuck their noses between the pages.  One of my fellow English teachers witnessed a child's heartbreak over not getting his copy of The Hunger Games and relayed the story to her college-age son who promptly told his mother that they'd just go get him a copy at Wal-Mart.  You wouldn't believe the smile that $6.95 can buy.  Another of my fellow English teachers saw a student not choose a book (a student that we debated over whether he'd buy in or not, really), and when another young lady found out, she traded a bag of Takis for him to go choose a title that she'd wanted but couldn't get because she was only allowed one choice.  A bag of Takis buys a pretty good smile, too.

It was a huge risk -- that Giveaway -- and I had steeled myself for "The Look" many times leading up to it.  You know... that "what-would-I-need-with-a-stupid-book" face.   But it never showed, even from those few that didn't choose a book.  No eyerolling.  No exasperated sighs.  Just smiles.  And isn't that the only look that truly matters?

It certainly matters to my shopping list.  I'll give you one guess what you're all getting for Christmas.  Or your birthday.  Or next Wednesday.  I'm prepared to risk "The Look" from now on because this week, I saw a hundred more smiles than I could have ever wished for.

Thank you all for reading and sharing in the joy my students and school have had this week.  I pray that this small reading revolution will grow and continue for a long time after this school year has ended.  But my truest wish is that my sweet little rioters have given you some hope or some laughter and possibly even sparked an inspiration for you to spread the love of reading to all those children hungering for it. 

Pootie recommends Scat by Carl Hiassen. 
Maggie the Cat (in the background) is clearly finished with her selection.

UPDATE:  That lovely theatre arts teacher, Angela Stidham, just sent me this message:

".....and after a long, hot, joyous day at the zoo Friday- those students of ours that couldn't afford a yearbook, ran around the gym asking their friends & teachers to sign their new book. Oh yes they did! :-D You know that long after they've finished reading that novel our school so generously gave them, they'll still keep it forever now because it's filled with the signatures of their classmates from 2012: the year they were given the gift of reading. I thought that was pretty cool."

More than just pretty cool.  It's the beginning of a wildfire on the horizon.  I feel it. 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Most Beautiful Riot...

Last year, I gave an assignment which required kids to classify the books in their homes.  I went numb as I saw kids turn in pages with the names of only 2 or 3 books listed.  When I questioned them, they explained that these were the only books in their homes.  Many had none.  Zero.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  I'd estimate that 30-40% of my kids had fewer than 10 books, and most of those books belonged to their parents or younger siblings.  I have plenty of kids show up to my classroom, hungry for food, and it makes me ache.  I was just as heartbroken by their hunger for words.

I have 7 books in my school bag right now.  I have 2 stacks of books, begging to be read, waiting for me on my bedside table.  I have a tiny bookshelf, overflowing with books that I've read but cannot bear to part with.  When I think of their faces, I am embarrassed by my literary riches.  Embarrassed, but thankful beyond belief.

Books were one of the few things which were never denied in my childhood home.  Raising two avid readers, willing to entertain themselves with a story and a quiet corner, my mother was happy to indulge this behavior whenever possible.  And while I adored the library and used it vigorously, the first time I realized that a book was mine -- all mine -- was a delirious and delightful moment.  My brother now has an entire room dedicated to his book and comic book collections, and I am furiously jealous of it.  For me, there is nothing like the possession of a story, of characters living upon my shelf, of plotlines untwisting before my eyes.

I've spent every day since that failed assignment trying to feed my students with words.  It turned out, I wasn't the only heartbroken one in my school.  At a literacy summit in April, one of our 8th grade teachers talked about how her church sets up book-laden tables on street corners for strangers to come collect their knowledge.  The passion she felt for those few days, giving away what she loved so dearly, gave all of us an idea.

So, today, instead of collecting fines or scavenging textbooks out of lockers filled with gym socks and week old lunch bags, we gave away books.

You heard me.  For the first time ever, we stopped clutching our text with suspicious hands and just let them go.  In fact, we ordered them all with the hopes that no grown-up hands would ever touch them save to unpack the boxes.   Brand new books.  Gave 'em away.   No cost.   No strings.  No test or required reading.  Every 7th grade student at my school will travel home with one book of his very own this summer.  That's 450+ books leaving our doors to live upon the bedsides and bookshelves of these homes.  The idea of it leaves me breathless.

My 2nd period went first, and as it's primarily a group of rowdy and wildly inattentive boys, I tried hard not to set my hopes too high.  We'd talked about the 18 available titles yesterday.  They appeared disinterested and rather sleepy as I described each one, so I worried that I'd be picking up titles up all along the hallways as soon as the 3:55 bell rang.  I worried that I'd have to beg and plead just to get them out of their chairs to walk to Mrs. Hines's room.  I shouldn't have worried at all.

Have you ever seen a video of piranhas attacking?  Because that's exactly what it was like.  They picked that book table clean. 

When we returned to the room, I gave the students the opportunity to spend some time reading their new books.  After about 10 minutes, one of my boys announced to all the other kids, "This book goes HARD!  I'm serious!  I don't even like to read, but this book goes HARD!"

My first instinct was that he was joking, mocking my excitement over a dumb book until I realized that he was talking to no one and everyone in particular.  And please understand that this is a child that literally could not read at the beginning of the school year and visited that lovely Mrs. Hines, our instructional facilitator, 3 times per week for tutoring.  Today, he read 16 pages.  I have never seen him read 16 words in front of anyone else.  Ever.  I'm glad he was enthralled with his book so that he didn't see me pick up my jaw off the desk.  In case a child asks you why reading is important, please feel free to let him know that it's because, as E. would say, "Books go hard."  It's the most rousing endorsement of reading that I've ever had in 2nd period.

And it continued on like that all day.  Sure, there were a couple of kids who didn't want to pick a book.  There were a few who picked a book only to turn around and give it to my classroom bookshelf.  That was hard for me, but I reminded myself that there will always be those people who exercise their choice by simply choosing to not choose.  Of 123 book shoppers today, they were in the almost extinct minority. 

In 5th period, my first of two 29+ classes, I walked in after the bell to catch my two smallest boys talking in hushed and conspiratorial tones. 

I asked, "What are y'all talking about?"

"Strategy," they whispered with a wise nod, as I bit back a giggle.

It seems that they had been the only kids listening the day before when I warned that there'd be just a few copies of each book... that not everyone would be able to get their first, or even second, choice.  So as soon as I called the class to line up, they were right behind me, leading the way, and claiming the closest space to "The Hunger Games" and "The Lost Hero".  Quickly thereafter, I walked in behind my last student to see a mass of sweaty and anxious 13 year-old bodies crowded around a single table, anticipating the shout of "3...2...1" to make their grab.  And, sure enough, quick as a cat, my two smallest slipped out of the crowd with the most coveted bounty of the day. 

I overheard one exclaim, "It's like a riot in there!"

And the other replied, in complete shock, "I know!  Over a book!" As if they hadn't been plotting their attacks only moments before.

They were correct.  It was a near-riot.  Over books. 

It was the most beautiful riot I've ever seen.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

One

Brooklyn Claire,

Exactly one year ago, your momma called me on the phone.  She told me, "No false alarm this time.  When can you get here?"  I told her 15 minutes, and I prayed for no traffic on I-35.  You were not the only miracle granted that day; I made it to your doorstep in only 11 minutes.  After some quick instructions on how to manage your big brother who I was charged with keeping and some frantic hustling of your parents out the door, the race to the hospital was on.  The third miracle?  Your father's lead foot. 

And then... there was you, with your chubby bunny cheeks and deep blue eyes.  This is the first picture I snapped, you with your mother's hands and your father's mouth, already wondering what all the fuss was about.

It's a long, strange journey into the world...

I've thought a great deal about that number today.  One.  One year.  One word.  How could I describe you in one simple word?  Which would I choose?

Sweet.

Relaxed.

Peaceful.

Hairbows.

Tutus.

Smiles.

Cautious.

Precious.

Glorious.

Adorable.

Adored.

Tiny.

Delicate.

Hungry.

Healthy.

Happy.

Amazing.

Loving.

Beloved.

Sister.

Niece.

Granddaughter.

Daughter.

Beautiful.

Perfect.

Yes.  That's the one I think I'd choose of the millions available -- the one we'd all choose.  Perfect.

Happy 1st Birthday, Brook-Brook. You make the number 1 mean so many incredible things.