Monday, November 7, 2011

Why I'm the Dumbest Person I Know

I loves me some Diet Coke.


Really, a Diet Coke from QT, with some crushed ice is basically my A.M. lifeblood. And P.M. Let's be real. It's an all-day love affair.

So one might wonder, considering my loyal dedication to this nectar of the Gods, why I've decided to try to give it up. Because I'm stupid. That's why.

It started on Saturday with me being frugal. Wait. Strike that. Lazy. Yes, that's the word I'm looking for. I was so tired/lazy on Saturday morning, I couldn't go to the store. I couldn't get out of my pajamas or brush my hair. Not that theses are deterrents for anyone looking to visit my local Wal-Martz.

So I thought to myself, "Hey, Self. You don't need no stinkin' Diet Coke! Have some tasty tap water instead!"

This is the moment I needed someone to intervene. But I live alone, and I'm pretty convincing, so I talk myself into some stupid shit all the time.

I lived off the tap water for a couple of hours before the first twinges of caffeine withdrawal settled in. I popped some ibuprofen and brewed some tea. I staved off the shakes for another couple of hours, and thus decided, "This isn't so hard! I could totally give up Diet Coke! Think of the money I'll save!"

Again. I live alone. And I'm fairly stupid at times. And stubborn.

By Sunday afternoon, I believe I was in full-blown Diet Coke de-tox. But I was determined. Because I'm absurdly competitive, even with only myself. Even when I literally could not peel myself off the couch for a while because my head and body ached so badly.

I think the Betty should open a wing just for recovering Diet Coke-heads.

I did manage to get up this morning although I cracked and had one normal-sized Diet Coke. I did not, however, strangle a child or co-worker as I was afraid I would.

But tomorrow's a new day.


  1. Rock it out. I'm impressed. I think I'm not that competitive but probably should be on this front. . .

  2. I'm oddly competitive with myself. However, I have no standards of what I look like when I leave the house. The addiction (to rum and diet) continues over here.

  3. 5 days. Only 1 Diet Coke. 0 casualties. Feelin' good. Although I would probably feel better with some rum and Diet Coke. Maybe rum is just the missing ingredient.