Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Latest Early Retirement Plan

One of my dear friends (and former co-worker) and I used to kick around the idea that we could write a book. A book on parenting. It would be delightfully wicked and brimming with what we deemed the "common sense" approach to child-rearing.

Only problem? Neither of us have actual children.

But you know what? I think that not having children will make this process even easier. No little rugrats to eff up the process with their whining cries for food money love. No extra sentimentality or fears that one day I'll wind up on some low-rent version of Oprah as my thirty year-old, grown-up child outs me to the public at large as a horrible parent. It's basically the most perfect plan I've ever conceived.

Am I qualified to write a book about raising children? Most would say probably not. But as a teacher and coach who spends 10+ hours a day guiding hundreds of children through the moral and physical perils of junior high life, I'd say I'm actually a little over-qualified.

I'm in the process of working on some chapter organization and titles. In order to appease both my people pleaser side as well as my snarky, bitter side, I think most chapters will probably bear a subtitle. I really, really adore subtitles and sarcasm.

Chapter 1:
"Teaching Your Child About the World of Competition"
"Shove Your Participation Ribbon Straight Up Your Ass"


  1. I remember you wanted to title it Parents, Pull Your Heads Out.
    Mine will be titled The F-Word and Other Strategies That Work.

    P.S. It really bothers me that I had to type book titles without underlining them. It's a curse...


  2. You can borrow my kid if it'll lend you some credibility. I'm not giving him to Saxon, though, cause him yelling the f-word would be detrimental to our uber-Christian babysitting arrangement.

  3. Ohhh... Saxon. I love the title of your book!

    Court... I don't need no stinkin' credibility. But I'll take your kid. And since when is there an uber-Christian babysitter? This I did not know!